The 100th Episode // Condiments is the all time low
F**kface #100 · published 2022-04-27 · archive #108

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[0:00:53] Andrew: Previously on F**kface.
[0:00:55] Geoff: Hello and welcome to episode 100 of the F**kface podcast. Can you believe we've done this 99 times up until this moment? My name is Jeff Ramsey with me always, with me as always. Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. Guys, I have a little game I want to play with you for episode 100. This is for Nick. This is for Nick. This is for Eric. This is for Gavin and Andrew. I would like you all to pick a number between 1 and 3 and then post that number in the Discord chat. Between 1 and 3? Between 1 and 3. 1, 2, or 3.
[0:01:37] Andrew: Okay. Is... Now, just to clarify, is this the illusion of choice that was discussed before? Or is this unrelated to the illusion of choice? I'm interested to see. Okay.
[0:01:48] Gavin: Alright, the results are in. Uh...
[0:01:52] Eric: Alright, can you really... The chat's right there. What are you talking about?
[0:01:56] Geoff: You want us to just read the majority? Jeff never has it open. Okay, I got it now. It wasn't uploaded. What? Alright, it looks like number 2 wins. Okay. So... Let me post this.
[0:02:09] Unidentified: Did that post?
[0:02:10] Andrew: It's typing. You're definitely typing, which is great for an audio show. How does this work? How does what work? What do you mean? We just said we've done 99 of these. What does... How does what work? I can't get this image to paste.
[0:02:24] Geoff: What are you talking about? There we go. There we go. Oh! You guys picked number 2. Okay, Derek, go ahead and start with number 2. Fantastic.
[0:02:32] Andrew: God damn it. I think that's the best one.
[0:02:35] Geoff: Yeah.
[0:02:36] Andrew: Wait, so start. So you are... So could you describe the scene? You're getting a tattoo?
[0:02:41] Unidentified: Yeah, so there's a tattoo chair next to me.
[0:02:44] Geoff: Ow. There's a tattoo chair next to me. Wait, you're getting that tattooed on you right now? I already had. One of the most talented tattoo artists in Austin, Derek, who tattooed me a few times. I had him. We created three custom face tattoos. I think we're going to make a... That hurts. I think we're going to make a... Oh, fuck. This is hard to talk. I think we're going to make some temporary tattoos. But I went ahead and Derek and I, we placed all three of these on my body and then we figured I'm going to let you guys pick which one I get.
[0:03:18] Gavin: Dude, right at the beginning.
[0:03:22] Geoff: I think I'll probably get all three.
[0:03:25] Eric: Wait, you're doing this but you keep saying it's hard to talk. You did this thing for an audio podcast where it's hard for you to talk.
[0:03:33] Geoff: Like minute one as well. Well, you know, I was f***ing myself and the podcast and the audience and you. Well, and you don't want to keep Derek hanging around. Right. Well, you know, Derek's a busy man. He's got shit to do. Outside of tattooing me on my ribs.
[0:03:49] Unidentified: On your ribs?
[0:03:50] Geoff: Yeah, I'm getting the Don Zimmer, Pedro Martinez fight outlined on my ribs right now. Which is one of the more painful places to get tattooed, I might say.
[0:04:00] Gavin: So you're sat in your nice desk, you know, nice shelves all around. Just with gut hanging out and a tattoo going on the ribs.
[0:04:07] Geoff: Is that what I'm visualizing right? Definitely gut hanging out for sure. Here, let me share. Let me see if you can see. I'll share my video.
[0:04:14] Andrew: Oh, I'd love to see.
[0:04:16] Geoff: Okay, there you go. So there you go. That's what's going on right now. What did you guys do for episode 100?
[0:04:39] Eric: You look like Burt Reynolds in Playgirl magazine. Thank you.
[0:04:44] Geoff: I feel like Burt Reynolds in Playgirl magazine. I wish I had his hairpiece. Oh, yeah. Anyway. Oh, I've got to go full screen on this. Go for it.
[0:04:55] Gavin: Can we somehow record this? It's great.
[0:04:58] Geoff: If I can do a screen record, I don't care. I am recording on my iPhone from behind. So I realize after I set it up, it's not going to look good. But yeah. Yeah. So anyway, this is what I'm doing for 100. Andrew Gavin, what do you guys got?
[0:05:11] Gavin: It's so much bigger than I expected.
[0:05:14] Geoff: Yeah. It's so big. We sized it down. I had to make it way too big, actually. When I saw it, I shit my pants.
[0:05:22] Andrew: Oh, my God. So I've never gotten a tattoo. It's hard to speak. I also imagine it's laughing is the thing you would want to avoid. I would assume.
[0:05:32] Geoff: You just want to stay as still as possible. It's only hard to speak in certain spots. Tattoos tend to hurt the worst, in my experience, when it's right over bone, like ribs. Ribs are a particularly tough spot to get it. Some fleshy parts can hurt a lot, too. Chest hurts quite a bit for a boy. Elbows are bad. I hear behind the knee is a particularly rough spot. I've never done that. Not looking forward to it. Anyway, what's new with you guys?
[0:06:06] Andrew: Is there anything, any imagery that Jeff is making you think of, Gavin, right now, just when you look at him? Is there any vibes that you're getting from this? I feel like Kate Winslet.
[0:06:17] Gavin: That's something you would see on the roof of the ceiling of a cathedral.
[0:06:21] Andrew: I don't know why. I'm getting real mermaid vibes from Jeff. That's why I lost it. It just feels very Jeff Mermaid, something with the way the hands are.
[0:06:29] Gavin: I wasn't expecting the hands up on the head, sort of keeping the arms out of the way of the ribs sort of pose.
[0:06:35] Andrew: Yeah, no, it makes sense, but I just didn't consider it. I was caught off guard. Jeff's face clenched up when he's talking.
[0:06:44] Geoff: Well, neither of you have ever had a tattoo, so you don't...
[0:06:47] Gavin: No. No, I don't know what I would get. So where would you put the... Where was the pencil going to go?
[0:06:54] Geoff: The pencil is on my right calf, and then the Ian is on the inside of my foot. So I'll probably just go ahead and get those two while we're here.
[0:07:07] Gavin: So the number two, the one that was picked, is definitely in the worst place.
[0:07:13] Geoff: Yeah, see, I was hoping that you guys would pick a different one and that I wouldn't have to get this one because this is the only bad one. The other two are fucking... I could do it in my sleep. It's nothing. But you're getting a tattoo you didn't want? No, I'm not saying I didn't get... I didn't want it. Obviously, I want it. I just didn't necessarily want it right now. In this context. Yeah. I mean, I want to be completely covered in tattoos, but I'm not because of, I don't know, it hurts and it's not fun. So you, you know, do it sparingly.
[0:07:45] Andrew: I'm so glad we won't, too. I mean, the other visuals I can't imagine would be as good as being as caught off guard as we were with that reveal.
[0:07:54] Geoff: I guess I realized for the audience, one, two, and three are. Number one is a pencil, it's a number 16 pencil with a bite taken out of it. Number two was Pedro and Don fighting right as Pedro's smushing Don's head. And then, oh, fuck. You can hear the faint buzz of the tattoo. That was a good spot. And then tattoo number three is the Ian face looking up standardized nose.
[0:08:23] Andrew: Oh, man. It's incredible. I, uh, I feel, I'm glad I didn't even attempt. So I had two things in mind for this episode. One of them would antagonize Jeff. So I didn't want to do that. And the other one would antagonize the audience, which also felt rude to do on such a special episode 100. I just didn't want to annoy anybody. So I don't have anything planned, but I know, Gavin, you've had this amazing story that we've been teasing for weeks.
[0:08:50] Gavin: Well, you've been annoying the audience, Andrew, since you didn't eat the pencil. So what's, what's different now?
[0:08:54] Andrew: Well, I just, you could, trust me, I could take it other levels. We could go to some other places with it. I didn't want to. This is a celebratory episode. Jeff's getting a tattoo. It's good vibes.
[0:09:05] Gavin: Good vibes. I, uh, I want a new guess at the, uh, previously on voice. Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. Let's do the, the previously on guesses. Jeff, have you thought of a new guess? Is it?
[0:09:15] Andrew: Go ahead. You're allowed to ask a question as well. Don't forget. You know, you had a question and a guess. Oh, okay. Uh, is it, uh, is it a public figure? Uh, no.
[0:09:29] Geoff: Okay.
[0:09:30] Gavin: Is it someone, oh, did I ask this last time? Is it someone we've heard on the show before? Did I ask that?
[0:09:35] Andrew: Uh, someone you've heard on the show. Could you be a little bit more specific?
[0:09:39] Gavin: Has their voice been in an episode of F*** Face? No. Oh, God. I have no, oh.
[0:09:47] Andrew: And it's been very fun to see the guesses. There have been a lot of posts and different threads about who the voice could be. It's been very entertaining to follow.
[0:09:55] Geoff: Is it, uh, my guess will be it's somebody from My Hubby's Bagels.
[0:10:00] Andrew: That's, that's, that's your guess? Your official guess? No. That is incorrect. Okay.
[0:10:05] Gavin: Is it a descendant of the inventor of the butt plug?
[0:10:08] Andrew: You don't get another question. You need to, you need to, unless that's who you're guessing. That's my guess. I don't know the ancestry of the butt plug inventor, so I don't feel comfortable giving you an answer to that. I would assume no. I would be shocked if that was the case, but there have been weirder coincidences with this show, so I don't feel like I could fully rule it out, but highly unlikely. You guys have to go again next episode. We do. We're still, we're still like, it's been crazy. Some of the guesses, I am seeing guesses from people that are way more creative than I could have ever come up with.
[0:10:41] Gavin: So, well, let me ask you this as, not as an official question, but just as a conversation. Has anyone in the, has a comment lever got it right?
[0:10:49] Andrew: Nobody has gotten it exactly right. Oh. That's interesting. That's interesting. There, there have been, there's been some people that I'm like, wow, I'm surprised you're that close. But yeah, there has not been an definitive correct guess as of yet.
[0:11:04] Gavin: This could, at this rate, it would be all the way up to 200 before we get it.
[0:11:06] Andrew: I feel like you guys asked some great questions and really narrowed it down.
[0:11:10] Gavin: It's an unsolvable riddle. I'm going to need a running document though, of everything we know before I make each guest. It is a problem. It's going to be hard to keep track of.
[0:11:20] Andrew: I don't remember everybody you've guessed, nevermind the questions. But my favorite one, I think, is Nick. Some people thought it was Nick. Could you imagine how wild of a, just bad, it would be such a lame reveal if it's just Nick.
[0:11:33] Gavin: What, what you, what's lame about Nick?
[0:11:36] Andrew: Well, it's just, he's in every, like, there'd just be such a strange, strange thing. And nothing against Nick. Nick is great. I love Nick. Nick's fantastic. But just teasing, it'd be like if I had you do the voice, Gavin, what a lame reveal that would be. Is it Gavin?
[0:11:53] Unidentified: Is it me? Is it you? That would be amazing if it was. Oh, sweet. My ribs are done. That was fucking fast. That was really fast. Already? Wow. That's quick.
[0:12:06] Gavin: Are you moving straight on?
[0:12:07] Geoff: Yeah, we might as well just do the rest of them, right? That was, I mean, it's not, it's not impeding the progress of the tattoo or of the podcast at all, is it? I would say, no. I don't think so. All right.
[0:12:18] Andrew: I don't even know if that question was for me, but I'm going to say no, this is great.
[0:12:22] Gavin: I have an update from, we were talking about stuff not arriving for months. That was that West Elm.
[0:12:28] Andrew: Oh, I've been meaning to ask that. Yeah. Did Jeff get the basket? Did you ever get your basket, Jeff?
[0:12:33] Geoff: Uh, I did. I, with the picnic basket, yeah, we did get it. Okay. Oh, how was it?
[0:12:37] Gavin: Uh, I haven't used it yet, but it's lovely. Great. It's, uh, it's as advertised. And I got the Dead by Daylight statue delivered. When? Last week, after having placed the order in, what was it, January 2020, just arrived.
[0:12:52] Andrew: And how is the Dead by Daylight statue?
[0:12:54] Gavin: Uh, it's good. Lights it up. It's nice. Eric asks, is that your crazy story? No. It's not the story.
[0:13:02] Andrew: I don't, Jeff's just walking with the mic in his hand.
[0:13:06] Unidentified: He's just in his box.
[0:13:08] Geoff: I mean, he's, I'm not in my box or something, I'm in the, uh, swim trunks.
[0:13:11] Eric: Swim trunks. He's wearing the smallest shorts, just walking around his house, carrying a microphone. This is so insane.
[0:13:20] Geoff: These are the swim trunks I wear every day of my life in the summer. Yeah. Swim trunks.
[0:13:24] Unidentified: So, 80s.
[0:13:27] Geoff: What does that mean? What's wrong with the 80s? I grew up in the 80s. The 80s were fucking awesome.
[0:13:32] Gavin: Yeah, you're like an 80s footballer.
[0:13:35] Geoff: Thank you. I appreciate that. I'll take that as the compliment I assumed is. How do you want me to sit for this one, Derek?
[0:13:41] Gavin: I was trying to think of the thing that we had to be here at this specific time to record this episode because Jeff had booked something. I had no idea what it was. I did not expect this.
[0:13:52] Andrew: No. Well, I'm glad. This is incredible. I'm supposed to.
[0:13:57] Gavin: Now this acting is terrible because it's like, it's like we're in bed with you. It's like.
[0:14:02] Geoff: I don't enjoy this.
[0:14:06] Andrew: It's a lot more fun the other way.
[0:14:08] Geoff: Yeah, except with a big spoon. That's exactly the same. Why don't you tell your story, Gavin?
[0:14:15] Gavin: Well, I got some visual aids for it. So, if you can't see the screen, I'll wait for you to turn over.
[0:14:19] Andrew: Well, what about the fact by day?
[0:14:21] Gavin: I can look over.
[0:14:22] Andrew: Is there any update outside of the fact you got it?
[0:14:26] Gavin: The statue?
[0:14:26] Andrew: Yeah.
[0:14:27] Gavin: No. Just letting you know. I figured I'd like to tell you. Okay. That was quite a long time, though. It was like seven. It was. What? Eight hundred days or something?
[0:14:34] Andrew: It was ridiculous.
[0:14:35] Gavin: Eight hundred days. It's pretty long.
[0:14:37] Andrew: It's not even a thank me later set up. That was just the world. The world just did that to you. Don't even need that business.
[0:14:44] Geoff: You should turn around and sell it on eBay for twice the cost and say that you... I'm sure there are other people out there that are waiting hundreds of days for their statues.
[0:14:52] Gavin: Like you're going to do with your fridge?
[0:14:53] Geoff: Yeah, like I'm going to do with the fridge.
[0:14:55] Unidentified: What did you call it? Profiteering? How many Bo Burnham vinyls do you have at this point? Three. Still have them? All three?
[0:15:02] Andrew: Do you want one? I'm not opposed. I love that you have three. I assumed you would do something with it by this point.
[0:15:09] Gavin: I've already sent you something different this week.
[0:15:12] Andrew: Did... Okay. Did it come through Amazon? Yeah. Did you wear it off? Oh, boy.
[0:15:18] Gavin: Did you laugh? Did you reject it? Whoa.
[0:15:20] Andrew: Oh, boy. Well, I got a call yesterday from someone that it just... Their call display was Ontario, which I found very suspicious. It was just a region. And they called and they left the voicemail. It was hard to understand. Like it was breaking up and stuff. But they did say, I'm from Amazon. I'm trying to find where you live. And I thought, I didn't order anything from Amazon. This is suspicious. Huh. So I don't... Maybe check the status of that order. Oh, shit. You should maybe see. Because I don't have it. But I definitely got called twice yesterday from somebody listed as Ontario.
[0:15:59] Gavin: Oh, well, I was sort of hoping it would arrive in time. Oh, it's just shipped. That's all it says.
[0:16:09] Andrew: So it might be unrelated. I did get to talk about something that will already be well out. I received the regulation listener and comment lever shirts. Oh, I haven't gotten those yet. I haven't either. Yeah, they're great. I mean, they're as designed. They're basic and they say what they should say on them. So maybe it's that. But that'd be wild if Amazon delivered that. I don't know. I'll keep my eyes open now for the Amazon package.
[0:16:34] Gavin: We have a... We did a thing. Eric and I did a thing the other day. Yeah? We went out with... We had little Bros Night.
[0:16:41] Andrew: Oh, my God.
[0:16:42] Gavin: I'm so glad we're going to talk about this. Oh, yeah. How was Bros Night? Well, the film was amazing. Wasn't it, Eric?
[0:16:48] Eric: Ambulance might be the best movie I've ever seen in theaters. Absolutely unhinged film. I can't believe it exists. And I had such a good time in this empty ass theater. Like, I loved it. I loved it. I had such a good time.
[0:17:09] Gavin: I genuinely believe that Michael Bay turns up on set and opens the case of lenses and takes like the 18 mil and the 35 mil. Like, but all the wide lenses and just throws them into the sea at the beginning of each filming day. Every single shot was like up Jake Gyllenhaal's nostrils or like in his eye. It's like the guy hates zooming out now.
[0:17:31] Geoff: Is it a typical Michael Bay movie where the movie ends and then they surprise you with a whole other movie at the end? I missed the end.
[0:17:39] Gavin: I'll be honest.
[0:17:39] Eric: No, it is. I will say it is the most Michael Bay movie I think he's ever made in the way that it looks and feels and moves. It is like it's insane how crazy that movie is from Jeff. There is three minutes of exposition and then they are like off to the fucking races. And the exposition at the beginning is the funniest exposition you can do. It is my wife needs experimental surgery insurance provider. And then they hang up on him and then he goes time to go to work. And it's insane.
[0:18:20] Gavin: I hate getting up to piss, especially the first time I've seen a movie. But that movie was so freaking long and I accidentally, well, I sort of misjudged how big a 32 ounce beer was. And I opened it at the counter. So by the end of it, I was like writhing in my seat. I was like, this movie needs to end. We must be at the end. And then like 20 minutes later, I was like, oh, God. And so I just got up probably, what would you say, Eric, like three minutes before the credits?
[0:18:48] Eric: Yeah. And then you came back when the credits like started, but the credits only like the credits were like so short.
[0:18:55] Gavin: They didn't give a shit.
[0:18:56] Eric: The credits were 15 seconds long. And then it was like, get out.
[0:19:00] Gavin: I got up probably 60, maybe 65 seconds away from pissing my pants. That's the that was the timer I was on. And it was that stage of piss where it's like your bladder is so full. If you could feel the stretch in it and you're almost like waddling and you're trying to like unbutton the shorts to give it a little bit of freedom. And that's when all of the staff of the movie theater decided they wanted selfies. And I was like, oh, my God. Yes. But we got to keep moving. I'm going to piss myself. So we took a little waddle run of selfies as I went through. I made it back for the two second credits. It was a good experience. Andrew enjoyed a video I sent him of TPG.
[0:19:37] Andrew: It was a phenomenal video. It delivered in ways. Should we like get into the specifics of the context of that video and like leading into it? Yeah. So you guys saw it with TPG, who is, I think, in my mind, at least famous on the show as being that you fuck with Hobbs and Shaw guy, big fan of them. Gavin and I were talking. What do we think TPG's top 10 movies of all time would be? It has to be a phenomenal list. If you fuck with Hobbs and Shaw, you got a great top 10 list and we're going back and forth. And Gavin opened with bad boys, too. And I agreed. I was like, that feels like it would be in the top 10. That's a great pick.
[0:20:15] Gavin: We basically just sat there before we went out, like Andrew and I guessing TPG's top 10 list.
[0:20:21] Andrew: And then Gavin said The Raid 2. And I was like, that's a great movie. I love The Raid 2. But it just it feels so strange. Like, that's just a strangely specific movie to be in your top 10. And then Gavin sent me a video of TPG not discussing his top 10, discussing his top two and what potentially might be in the third spot, which is amazing. It's a phenomenal video. If you were to guess, what do you think TPG's first greatest film of all time is, Jeff?
[0:20:53] Geoff: I think it's either going to be like The Rock or Con Air or Bad Boys 2 would be up there. Maybe Fast Five would be in there. Or it's going to be like Citizen Kane and Sunset Boulevard or something totally on Golden Pond. Something you totally wouldn't expect.
[0:21:18] Andrew: You kind of nailed it. His number one, the greatest film of all time from The Goat is Bad Boys 2. The greatest cinematic masterpiece of all time. Then his number two, which I love. I love so much. He's like, for all the film snobs out there, G1. We go in Godfather 1. He called the first Godfather G1.
[0:21:41] Geoff: He's the only person on Earth who likes Godfather 1 more than 2.
[0:21:45] Andrew: And then he said, this is maybe my favorite part of the video that Gavin sent me. He said, okay, now we're going to 3. The list really drops off at this point. It's 0 top 10. What does that mean? Why does it drop off significantly? And then he couldn't decide. It drops off significantly. And then he said, this is in the running for number three. And it was The Raid 2. And he said that him and like 20 guys saw The Raid 2. And in the final fight sequence, everybody stood up and was watching it. And they felt like it was real, which is insane. That's how much he likes Bad Boys 2. He thought he watched a brawl in a theater like it was real life. People dying. And it's three. It's not even three. It might be three.
[0:22:29] Gavin: It's a distant three. I was pretty much correct on my guesses. You nailed it. He was saying everything I said to you. And I laughed and just stopped the recording. Because I was like, I've got everything I need.
[0:22:41] Andrew: It was back to back.
[0:22:41] Gavin: That's what we got. And then we had to go and watch the movie.
[0:22:44] Andrew: Oh, and then you guys are seeing it in 40X is how it was explained going into it. And I was so jealous of like, I don't have that available to me. I knew Eric was having a great time watching it. I can't watch it with TPG, sadly. So I feel like I'm missing out on the experience. But just the seats alone, it's like, that's a whole layer I feel like I'm missing. To then learn that you guys didn't even see it in that way. You just saw it in a normal setting.
[0:23:07] Gavin: Yeah, what was that about, Eric? Why did we go to that one?
[0:23:09] Eric: I think, okay, so I will say that Tim texted me the next day and the text just read, bro, that theater, hidden gem, might be top 10. So I think he just really likes that theater. But also, I thought we were seeing it in 40X. Turns out that movie is not in 40X.
[0:23:29] Andrew: That's insane.
[0:23:31] Eric: Can you believe Ambulance is not in 40X? We saw it in a regular theater and it was the most thrilling time I might have ever had at a movie.
[0:23:39] Gavin: Can you imagine those FPV drone shots in 40X?
[0:23:42] Eric: No, I wouldn't have been able to live tweet the whole, there's no one in that theater. I live tweeted the whole movie because no one was there and I loved every second of it. Oh, yeah. Oh, my Twitter that night was on fire. Insane. Dude, I loved it. I loved it. I had such a good time. And you said that the movie was, the theater was empty? Dude, there were like, how many more people were there in that theater, Gavin? Three? Maybe. Was this opening weekend? Oh, yeah. That was like the day it came out.
[0:24:12] Unidentified: I want to see it so badly. I need to see Ambulance. I don't want to see it at all. Nothing about that trailer looked good to me.
[0:24:21] Eric: It's awesome. It is unhinged. You have like you have to. I want everyone I know to see this movie. It is. It is like there's people who are like, oh, yeah, I only watch cinema. This takes cinema to a place where I didn't know it could go. It was incredible.
[0:24:39] Andrew: I don't I don't I don't know anything about it. I've somehow avoided like all the trailers. I just know it's an action movie with Michael Bay called Ambulance. I saw somebody make a joke tweet that was like, this movie is crazier than I realized. I didn't know the lead character's name was Michael J. Ambulance. And I had to look up to see if that was true. Like it's the type of movie where if that was true, it wouldn't faze me at all. Like it feels like it could happen. I need to see it. I'm excited to watch it. I was jealous of your great evening with TPG. Yeah, I wish you were there. I wish everyone was there. Oh, it would be an amazing experience. I wanted to be in the theater with the raid, too, is really, I think, the thing we all missed witnessing that live fight.
[0:25:18] Eric: I feel like the thing that Tim explained to us later is that he wasn't sure if everyone else was standing or if he was the only one standing believing the movie was real. But but either way, he loved it.
[0:25:31] Andrew: That's great. It's a great movie.
[0:25:32] Unidentified: The raid, too, is fucking awesome. Amazing fight scenes. How are you doing, Jeff? I'm good. I'm trying to take pictures of my tattoos for you guys. Oh, nice. Wait, tattoos. You got the second one? I got all three. He's already got all three. He's all done 20 minutes.
[0:25:48] Eric: We're 25 minutes into the episode.
[0:25:51] Unidentified: You got three tattoos in 20 minutes. Yeah, I didn't expect it to take all day. I didn't expect it to take 20 minutes.
[0:25:59] Andrew: I was wondering if we'd be able to get all three in. I thought, too, all three is wild. I wonder if you didn't say anything, how many tattoos you could get within an hour without us knowing at all. That'd be an amazing reveal that you've gotten like 15 tattoos from the beginning to the end of the episode.
[0:26:14] Gavin: The moment the camera turned on might have been the greatest reveal in fucking face history. That was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
[0:26:22] Andrew: That was the funniest thing I've ever seen. In cinema history. Like, there is no reveal that could top that. Just every reveal now, that's all I'm going to think about. That fucking Jeff on his side with his hands on his head. But I guess something else we should talk about, just very briefly, I guess, is there's somebody in the community made a game for us. That's surprisingly fun. What was that?
[0:26:43] Gavin: I saw the link to that, but I couldn't do it on my phone. What was that?
[0:26:45] Andrew: It's, yeah, I had to use my desktop to play it and just off the browser. Uh, it's a, like a, I don't know how to describe the game, but it's, uh, it's like a, it's from somebody named Michael's Game Lab. What was it called? It's called F*** Face Knob Drop. And it's like, it's a game where like things fall down. So you have to collect, you have to eat burgers, hot dogs, and waffles while avoiding pencils, baseball bats, and something else. And you're just moving your mouse like across the screen with an Ian, you're controlling an Ian face, and there's a no scrumping warning that will appear, and apples will like fall on the screen, and if you hit an apple, you lose life. Like, you can easily die from the apples. It's a lot of fun. I started it, got number one on the leaderboard, talked shit about it, and just had been demolished. People are way ahead. Jeff disposed his tattoos. Wow. These are amazing.
[0:27:39] Gavin: These all, like, so good. I like that Ian's looking at the duck.
[0:27:45] Andrew: It's a goose. It's a goose.
[0:27:46] Unidentified: And it's close enough that fart hard feels like a thing that Ian could be saying to the goose. Oh, right, like fart hard is coming out of Ian's mouth.
[0:27:56] Geoff: Yeah.
[0:27:57] Gavin: Oh, God, they're all really good.
[0:28:00] Geoff: Well, there you go. Well, I hired, I hired, like I said, Derek's one of the best tattooers in America, let alone Austin. So when you do it, you do it right.
[0:28:08] Unidentified: Oh, the pencil. That's amazing. That looks fantastic. What a reveal. Speaking of things that were, like, reveals. Happy 100, by the way.
[0:28:17] Geoff: I've never gotten, in 19 years since I started, or helped start this company, I've never got a company-related tattoo. These are my first.
[0:28:26] Andrew: Wow. That's amazing.
[0:28:28] Geoff: Well, my nose is on there. Is that just me? Ah, shit, I forgot about your nose. That's true. Yeah, I guess there's that one. That is true. I've only gotten one other company-related tattoo.
[0:28:42] Andrew: Andrew, should we get one? I'm not opposed to getting a tattoo. I've just never, never got one.
[0:28:48] Gavin: I got a good one for you. It's across your ankle, and it just says, snap here. Ooh.
[0:28:53] Andrew: I don't think that would imply it requires snapping, and that it's not already happened. It's, we're already... How are the legs this week? Uh, it's okay. Okay. I think it would just maybe, like, waste of space would be probably a more appropriate, just useless. Maybe just useless across different options. We can workshop it.
[0:29:13] Gavin: Use and less across the extent. It just looks like useless.
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[0:29:51] Andrew: Do you ever, um... This is such a weird poll. Did you ever watch that Flat Earth documentary? That was, like, popular to... There was, like, a really popular Flat Earth documentary. And just, like, it's so ridiculous. It feels like a, like, best-in-show type movie, but it's a documentary. And one of the guys in it is, like, talking about how marketable it is. And how it's, like, their secret underworld. And he shows this guy a license plate. And he's like, what does this say to you? And the guy says, NASA lies. He's like, yeah. But it could also be nasal lice. Could be ears, throat, nose specialist. You don't know. We're under the record. Read sneaky. That's always what I think about. Just stupid, like, misreading a thing. Nobody would read that as nasal eyes.
[0:30:35] Gavin: Yeah.
[0:30:35] Geoff: It's not that Penn Island website. Was that the documentary where the guy disproved that the Earth was flat in the documentary? And then decided that his test must have been flawed?
[0:30:45] Andrew: I... Yes. Yes, it was. I forgot about that. I watched that movie. Sometimes when I watch movies, I'll take, like, notes if I plan on talking about them in some way. I took, like, 200 notes in that 90-minute movie. It's so absurd. And there's so much funny stuff in it. It's a very awkward, like, the guy that they're kind of following clearly is in love with this girl that has no interest in him at all. And it's just very... Their interactions are great. I wish I could remember what it was called. It's probably still on Netflix. It's dumb. It's a ridiculously stupid movie that is a lot of fun to watch.
[0:31:17] Gavin: Should we get reflective on episode 100? Like, what's our favorite moment from F*** Face so far?
[0:31:22] Andrew: Wow. Favorite moment?
[0:31:24] Gavin: What's the shittiest moment?
[0:31:26] Andrew: The shittiest moment? Oh, wow. Tater tots. Yeah, I think post-condiments was our all-time low. Condiments is the all-time low. That's a great call. That was not just, like, an all-time low for the show.
[0:31:40] Gavin: And then we're editing the condiment episode.
[0:31:42] Andrew: I would say that's the all-time low for our friendship, Jeff. Without a doubt. Like, by a lot.
[0:31:51] Geoff: Well, so far.
[0:31:52] Andrew: So far.
[0:31:54] Geoff: I don't know where the baseball thing ranked as far as your personal anger. No, I had one. The baseball thing was one bad day. I was way... I was angry about the tater tots. That is true. And it felt like a thing that would linger. We just had to move on. I was bummed about the baseball thing. I was angry about the tots.
[0:32:13] Andrew: It was a strange of all things. It was like a religious argument where not only did we view the other side as wrong, we could in no way see how they could view it as right. Like, there was no compromise or middle ground. We were so locked in to our definitions.
[0:32:28] Gavin: I think my favorite moment so far is very recent. And I think it was Andrew's reaction to looking at the beanhole pictures. I just loved that moment.
[0:32:40] Andrew: I couldn't... You always threw up. Oh, it was a problem. It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed. For sure. I think the hardest... Not to pivot away from reminiscing about the show. I don't think I've told this story on the show once. I laughed so hard one time. I nearly fainted. Like, genuinely nearly fainted. I was playing PUBG. And I was playing with some friends. And, you know, like, have you ever seen... I know Jeff will definitely be aware of this play. But are you aware of, like, the Larry Bird steal, Gavin? Where it's like he reads the floor before anything happens. He, like, sprints to the exact right... Like, he just knows what's going to happen. And he reads it. And he executes it perfectly. Like, he just... He knows the play. It's a fantastic play to watch.
[0:33:23] Geoff: It's one of the greatest moments in the history of basketball.
[0:33:26] Andrew: But it's like being... Oh, it's basketball? Yeah, it's a basketball thing. But it's like being in the zone. It's like he knew what was going to happen. He read it. He fucking predicted it. And he executed it. I was playing PUBG. And my friend was, like, in the bottom of this hill. And he was getting sniped at from all angles. And there's this big tree next to him. And he got tagged by a sniper. And he's like, I'm down. And so I turn and I see this car. And I have my Larry Bird moment. Of I see, like, okay. I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to drive it to the tree. The car will then be, like, a barricade for us. I'm going to pick up my friend. And we're going to go and escape. This is fucking... I've got this. So I get in the car. I hit drive. I immediately run my friend over and crash into the tree at full speed. I kill him immediately and crash the car. And I laughed so hard. Like, all the air shot out of my body. And I felt like I was going to faint. Like, I was starting to go down my head a little bit. But I crashed the car. And I'm still in a war zone. So, like, I'm trying to gather myself. So I'm not fainting while laughing. And I'm just getting sniped at from all sides.
[0:34:27] Andrew: And I'm like, I got to get out of here. So I hop in the car and I go. But I'm, like, barely... Like, I'm fainting. I'm, like, in and out of it as I'm driving the car. Did you just not breathe in? I couldn't breathe. And I just couldn't stop. I was just laughing so hard that, like, the lights were going out. And I'm just driving away. It was, like, in a movie where a guy gets shot. And he gets in the car and, like, barely escapes. I was almost out.
[0:34:49] Gavin: You had, like, tunnel vision?
[0:34:50] Andrew: Yeah, I was having tunnel vision years all day. I can imagine you just sat intensely at your screen. Like, starting to slump over. If you... That's exactly... Like, my head went down. I was, like, holding myself up on my desk with my arms. If you would ask me going to my friend, like, the odds of this working in the way I wanted it to, 100%. I've never been more confident that anything was going to work in my life. And I immediately ran him over and killed him. And then just crashed into the tree because I was laughing so hard as soon as I failed. It was a disaster. You should have saved a clip. I wonder if I have that. I might. I should look.
[0:35:27] Gavin: Yeah, you should look for that.
[0:35:28] Andrew: That is a great... Nick picked the sewing machine argument. The sewing machine argument is a great one. Because that was at the end of an episode that none of us were all that happy with. We're like, that wasn't that great. And then we ended. And then it was 30 minutes of sewing machine talk. That was not at all supposed to be part of the episode. I don't think we were even recording at that point. And if it wasn't for Craig, I don't think we would have had that audio.
[0:35:55] Geoff: I think... Talking about that PUBG incident and making you laugh. One of my favorite memories of the podcast has got to be before the podcast. It was when I had the idea for the beef bracelet. And then as I was having that idea, I realized I wanted to make a commercial. And so I rode my bike down to the park to film it. And I was laughing. I was trying not to laugh out loud. But I was laughing internally at all the people that were watching me ride up and down this path over and over again, doing multiple takes. Filming with one hand while I was eating beef jerky off my wrist with the other. No hands on the bike. And just people looking at me just trying to have their lunch before they go back to work. Because I was just going back and forth. I probably did it eight times. Just looking like a lunatic. I didn't know that. That's really funny. I didn't realize it took you so many takes. Well, you got to get it just right, man. It's for a commercial.
[0:36:47] Andrew: Yeah, it's super important too.
[0:36:48] Unidentified: It's the debut of Uniform. Show it off in the best light.
[0:36:52] Gavin: What about you, Eric? Have you ever had a good time making this?
[0:36:56] Eric: I love the middle of every episode. And then despise the end of every episode. I think that's typically how this goes. Where it's like, look, I told you guys beforehand. This is episode 100. We're only recording once. So I don't want you to feel like we have to be constrained to an hour. So that's fine. Typically, we do have to be constrained for an hour. Because these are hour-long shows. And we sometimes do two. Or other things are going on. So the middle of every episode, I really, really, really love. But the end is just so difficult. When it doesn't need to be. I think the worst is when we... Jeff is like wrapping it up because he knows it's time to go. And then Andrew just sort of like sideswipes with like the most inane shit. And it's like, just save it. What are you doing? Just save it.
[0:37:43] Gavin: I remember one where Andrew just out in the middle of the outro was like, you ever watch shit on Quibi?
[0:37:48] Unidentified: Yeah. Oh, by the way, I'm back, guys.
[0:38:01] Geoff: Derek's gone. I'm sitting on my desk like normal. So the tattoo saga is over. You have my full attention now. I apologize for being half in, half out for the first half of the podcast. That was fine. That was a great bit. Yeah. I'm blown away. I really didn't expect that. I really just wanted to, in all seriousness, all kidding aside, I was talking about this with my therapist yesterday. I don't know how this happened. But this podcast has become, outside of my family, the most important thing in my life. And the last hundred episodes have helped me immeasurably in terms of getting through the pandemic and also in terms of my own mental health outside of the pandemic. And putting it on my body, it seems like the easiest decision in the world to make because it's just been... And also, I think it's, to be, I guess, a little more personal, I think it's maybe the best thing I've ever been a part of making.
[0:39:01] Geoff: And it's really nice to feel at almost 47, like I haven't plateaued and that we're still capable, I'm still capable of contributing in a way that gets progressively better as time goes on, right? Like you don't want to feel like, you don't want to realize you're on the back nine and you're retreating. And I don't feel like that every time I'm on this podcast, which is really nice.
[0:39:23] Gavin: I've been blown away recently at how pretty much my favorite thing of every week came out of the middle of the pandemic.
[0:39:29] Unidentified: Yeah.
[0:39:30] Gavin: Almost to the point where I'm like, wow, I'm not glad it happened, but just like, wow, I don't think we would have made this necessarily if it wasn't for the pandemic.
[0:39:38] Andrew: I know. It's this weird kind of conflict of probably, well, not probably, I would definitively say like the most fun I've had working on anything and just getting to be part of something that I think is so special and fun being created due to a horrible event that impacted the entire world, impacted all of us personally. I can't imagine what it would have been like going through those times without this show, like just being able to have a time every week, especially when things were now we're kind of in a place right now where like we're kind of getting back in the swing of things and the schedule isn't always consistent. But when we were in the heart of pandemic, knowing that every week I was going to get to have one hour to play with my friends was so special. And it's been so wonderful to have that time. And also just like the audience has talked about, I interact with the audience quite a bit and I hear a lot of how meaningful it has been to have the space as listeners for them.
[0:40:38] Andrew: And it's just, I think, been equally important for us to have this space. So as much as they thank us for creating the show and doing what we do, we owe so much to them as well for supporting our show and allowing us to go these hundred episodes and have this space for ourselves.
[0:40:54] Gavin: I literally had that conversation with someone recently where it was like, yeah, you know, really helped me through the pandemic. And my response was like, dude, me too. Like, thank you so much for watching it because I equally need it.
[0:41:07] Geoff: Yeah, we certainly didn't talk about it in this content, but I did go through an entire nervous breakdown during year one of the podcast and like had to take a step away from my job and going through some intensive therapy and this podcast was such an anchor in my life of positivity that I was able to forget about all of that for an hour and five minutes or so a week, which is honestly also why when Andrew swipes in with a Quibi comment or whatever and I see an opportunity to extend the podcast another 10 minutes, it's just like another 10 minutes of Shangri-La before you have to go, Eric, come on, before we have to go back to the real world. It's kind of true. And so really, it's like when Eric wants us to stop recording, it's he wants to take that away from us.
[0:42:00] Andrew: It's yeah, it's it's been it's been a wild journey. And in fact, that like it's just how it came together, too, and the fact that this show has worked as well as it has in itself is absurd. We've never had a production meeting regarding the show. But like that's everything about the creation and the process of making it is so absurd. But I'm just so incredibly thankful for you guys and Nick and Eric has been so I knew obviously Jeff and Gavin before this. I didn't know Eric or Nick. And it's just been so much fun meeting them and getting to I don't know this really it's been nice. This whole experience has been wonderful and not to get too emotional on a podcast named Face really, it's really meant a lot. Just thank you to everybody that has supported us in these 100 episodes.
[0:42:53] Geoff: Hundred more? Yeah. At least. I mean, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do for episode a thousand. I've already done the tattoo thing. What year will that be? Fuck. Oh, man. Eric, what year will that be? Yeah, this is I think the thing that the people don't realize is that this is the most creative, creative outlet I've ever experienced. Like it is unlike and we've been doing this for 19. I've been doing this for 19 years in other productions. It's certainly not the first or even the 50th production I've started. And there's been nothing like it. Like it's it's it is unique in every way. And as I think Eric or Nick pointed out earlier, it's the you know, we we started this because of the pandemic. And in that process, we we had to move the entire company, the day job company to an online work, work from home company. And so all of our productions ended up being work from home productions. And since the podcast, every one of them has gone back in person except for this. This is the only production that we do.
[0:43:54] Geoff: That's all remote to this day.
[0:43:55] Gavin: But, you know, at some point one day, Vegas, it could happen.
[0:44:00] Eric: No. Yeah, it's going to. No. Yeah, that's we've committed. Not in May. In November. Like we've committed. We're doing it. So we've committed. We've all said yes. We all said yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't that's I don't like the way that you said yes. And then, well, well, committed. We've all committed. Yeah. I did.
[0:44:23] Andrew: I don't like the way you said yeah.
[0:44:24] Gavin: Yeah. Even the yeah. It's got like half a question mark on the end of it.
[0:44:28] Andrew: Let me clarify this because I 100% committed. I didn't commit to a specific date, but I said I would do it. And we agreed in October.
[0:44:34] Eric: I think I think that we've OK. So I think we've I think we've looked at October and it might be early November. That's fine. OK. OK, that's fine. You heard him say it. You heard everyone heard him say that's fine. I'm excited. I've never been to Vegas. It's going to be a great time.
[0:44:47] Gavin: And I've never been to Vancouver Island.
[0:44:50] Andrew: I mean, there's listen. We got bagels. We got crabs. We got everything you need.
[0:44:56] Eric: When can we go to Vancouver Island? That's a great question. When do you when do you want like you're going to say like as soon as possible. No, I mean like. No, I mean, I can't. Like when can you actually like when no in May to what's the best time of the year for
[0:45:12] Geoff: for Nanaimo? You probably want to go in the summer.
[0:45:16] Andrew: If for like before November crabs before. Yeah. Either like this coming into the summer or the next year.
[0:45:24] Gavin: You're giving us permission to come visit in like the next two to three months.
[0:45:28] Andrew: You could visit whatever you want. I don't care. That's the you're welcome to come here. Whenever you can visit whenever you want.
[0:45:35] Eric: I don't care. Are we going to see you while we're there?
[0:45:40] Andrew: Of course. But I just meant the way Gavin said that was like I'm gatekeeping the island somewhere that I don't want you guys here. I'd love for you guys to be here.
[0:45:49] Geoff: By the way, Gavin and I just went to Seattle for like two days. We were like 45 miles away.
[0:45:57] Andrew: That's a great point. But you could literally take a ferry from Seattle to the island. Yeah. You could take a ferry.
[0:46:05] Geoff: I don't want to travel. We were 99% of the way there. We needed you to go 1% of the way. I'm not traveling. You had no interest. I'm not.
[0:46:13] Unidentified: I'm not going to a different country.
[0:46:15] Andrew: If you were in Vancouver, I'd gladly go. I take a boat. I take a boat within Canada.
[0:46:22] Gavin: Here's why things happen. Here's why things really happen.
[0:46:24] Andrew: Okay.
[0:46:25] Gavin: While Andrew was peeping at the pissing woman, the police came in. They were trying to figure out what's going on. They confiscated his passport for two years. And I think he's waiting to get it back. I think something like that has happened. I think he's literally unable to travel.
[0:46:39] Andrew: I actually was looking at my ID recently. He's got a bracelet on. I realized I have long hair and my ID photo. So there's one photo that exists of me with long hair. It exists. It's just on my ID. Oh, God. But yeah, I can travel. I'm excited. Whenever you guys eventually come here. You can travel, but not till November. Nah, well, and leaving the country is a different matter. If it was a Canadian thing, we'd be gladly. What is this tech file? What did you just send, Gavin?
[0:47:07] Gavin: I'm trying to say, I've just realized these are like high efficiency photos. I'm not sure I can even do my slideshow.
[0:47:13] Andrew: Wait, wait. So you're saying that the thing that you've teased for weeks is tied to a thing you cannot, we cannot see. Oh, man. Oh, boy.
[0:47:24] Geoff: Do you want me to click this? Do you want me to? I clicked it. It didn't do a fucking thing. I clicked it as well. File I can't open in my inbox. Do you have my banking information now? Dallin's file.
[0:47:36] Gavin: Let me see if I can save a freaking.
[0:47:38] Andrew: It's just a screenshot. Oh, I got it to work.
[0:47:40] Geoff: I got it to work. Okay. It's a picture of your phone. Nope. Yeah, it's a picture of your phone. Meg is in the middle. Uh, it's about, it's about eight or your watch, whatever. Eight, eight 49, but it says 1430. So you can see him. I see that one image, but I had to download it and then look at it through preview on my Mac. Oh boy. But I'm, I'll do it that way. I don't care. Am I frozen?
[0:48:06] Andrew: No. Okay. My screen froze.
[0:48:08] Eric: I am trying to view this file on a PC and it takes me to the Microsoft store and it wants me to pay $1 to download the thing so I can view the extension and I will outright refuse.
[0:48:22] Geoff: It's not this. I got to be honest with you. This picture of Gavin's hairy arm is not worth a dollar.
[0:48:27] Andrew: No.
[0:48:27] Gavin: Um, oh, well, damn.
[0:48:29] Andrew: So I see a watch tech rehearsal.
[0:48:32] Unidentified: Yeah. 1430. Okay.
[0:48:34] Gavin: You'll have to translate the pictures for the other side. All right.
[0:48:37] Unidentified: Okay. Okay.
[0:48:37] Geoff: It's 36 degrees, 59% on your battery.
[0:48:40] Gavin: You want me to tell my shitty story? I'd love to hear this story. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to hype this up. I was, I was debating whether to tell this. I've never told anyone the story. I didn't even tell Meg until last week. And she was like, how have you never told me the story? And, uh, I'll be honest. I've just been mildly traumatized by it. I wasn't sure if it was funny. It might not be funny. All right. This might be laughing.
[0:49:02] Andrew: What is wrong with me? It can't be worse than lactating women. You got this. It's fine. I set the bar real low last week.
[0:49:08] Gavin: Okay. So we're in Melbourne, right? Uh, we're doing the age live tour. Jeff, you were there. Okay. Um, we, we got to Melbourne. I think it was the day of the tour. What year is the actual date? 2019. Okay. 2019. Uh, January, 2019. So it's winter for us, but we were in Australia. So it was hot as balls. As you can see by my watch there, uh, 36 degrees Celsius. It's going to be about 42. I think it ended up being like 43, 44 degrees Celsius, which is like, I don't know, 112 or something. I don't know. Fahrenheit was hot as hell. It definitely was. I remember. Yeah. And I, and also on my watch, you could see, I've got tech rehearsal at two 30. That's all I got to do that day. Woke up early, went for a stroll. We were in an area of Melbourne, I think called St. Kilda. If I remember correctly. Uh, went for a little walk to a little park nearby the hotel, just sort of strolling around. I found a pier. So I thought, ah, you know, walk down this pier, look out into the ocean. And, uh, I saw that the water was amazingly still.
[0:50:10] Gavin: And I was like, this can't, this surely can't be the ocean then. And then I looked on the maps and I realized it's not the ocean. It's just like a big, what do you call that? Like an inlet, like a big bay by Melbourne. So it was like perfectly still water. And I thought this is, I've never seen a body of water this big that looked so still. So then I thought I'll take, ah, my thing's too powerful. Hold on. Are we going to move to Slack? Might have to move to Slack. Okay. Going to Slack.
[0:50:36] Geoff: I love watching you struggle with tech stuff. It's a, it might be my favorite. Cause you're such a little, such a mincy little prick about it. Usually when everybody else's stuff goes wrong. Oh, it's 136 megs. Oh, thank you. Fell in love with just one.
[0:50:52] Gavin: Hey, okay. I'm sending a video of me filming the very still water. But as I was filming it, the wind picked up and just, oh, Jack's here. Oh, is he listed?
[0:51:08] Eric: What is happening? Tell your story. What is going on? Where do I see this video? It's in Slack.
[0:51:14] Andrew: Open this. Oh, Jesus.
[0:51:17] Gavin: Now, as you can see, the second I started filming the stillness of the water, the wind picked up and sort of destroyed the illusion of the still water. So now it's wind blowing everywhere. I'm like, oh man. Think of the, what's the, the timing of that is, is my next video. Is this, is this the end of the story that they got windy? Okay. Uh, so now I'm like blown away by how suddenly, Eric said this. It's insane. I'm blown away at how suddenly windy this is. My, uh, immediately, like my air pod blew out of my ear. I'm chasing it down the pier. I did this little video of my own face to, okay.
[0:51:53] Andrew: None of the videos will play for me. It's just the still of the beginning and the audio.
[0:51:58] Geoff: You got it. It's just Gavin. It's just Gavin.
[0:52:01] Eric: You're missing nothing. I'm, I'm dead to Andrew. I'm serious. And I'm saying that what you're seeing in like the first frame is just what the videos are.
[0:52:12] Geoff: But Gavin is making a case for the elimination of all visual aids going forward. I'm saying the goddamn scene, right?
[0:52:20] Gavin: All right. So it's too windy now. The wall, the wall is ruined. It's not still anymore. My air pods are blown out of my face. I'm just like, oh God, it's hot. It's like hot wind. It's not nice. I'm, I'm thinking I'm going to leave the pier now. So I'm right at the end of the pier. I'm starting to walk all the way back. And the wind is just fiercely blowing against me to the point where it's like I'm walking against a wall and, uh, the, the St. Kilda pier has this interesting like curb thing going up it. Right. You see that on the picture? Yeah.
[0:52:53] Andrew: Yeah.
[0:52:53] Gavin: I'm not sure if it's like some sort of water break or I don't know what it's for.
[0:52:56] Andrew: Okay. In the map picture, we're back there. Okay.
[0:52:59] Gavin: Oh, sorry. I'll put it in the discord. Put it in the discord. There we go. Blam. Nope.
[0:53:05] Andrew: It's in the slab. I got to go back to the slab. Okay. Yes. I see the pier. Okay. Yeah. You have to alt tab. I feel like I'm part of a choose your own adventure.
[0:53:16] Gavin: So I'm just, uh, you know, like a child. So I'm walking back up the pier and I'm like jumping up on the curb and like hopping back down. But sometimes the wind is so strong. I can't like step up onto the curb. So I'm like stepping against the wind. I'm getting, I'm trying to step up one step and I'm getting blown back like five steps. Uh, I've never really felt wind like it. All of a sudden there was one other person on the pier. It was this sort of probably like 50 year old dude walking the other way, walking opposite. And I could see him coming in the distance and, uh, I'm, I'm trying to step back up on this curb. I get blown backwards, but the wind is hitting him in the back. And suddenly this massive gust slams me backwards, like 10 steps. And it honestly looked like it lifted him up in the air. It was like when we man opened the parachute in front of that. He went flying. He went sailing towards me as I'm going sailing back and, uh, completely ate shit over this weird curb to the point where he ended up slumped over it.
[0:54:16] Gavin: Like his legs were on the wide side and his head was on like the narrow side. And, uh, I was like, Oh Jesus. And I'm trying to run towards it, but the wind is pushing it back. And I was like, Joe, you're right. And, uh, he stood up and I guess his arm had caught that metal bit. Oh, and as he stood up from like the inside of his elbow to like halfway up his bicep was just gaping open. And I was like, Oh, I was like, Oh my God. Oh Jesus. And I was like, do you want me to call you an ambulance? And he was like, no, no. Like I said, absolutely not. And I was like, no, you don't do hold that close. It's like, there's so much blood and it's, I can see into your arm. And he was like, no, no, no, no, I don't need an ambulance. And, and I'm like picking up my phone to call an ambulance. At this point, I realized no idea what the emergency number is in Australia. Later found out it was zero, zero, zero, but that's good to know now. So I didn't know that. So I'm, I started holding down the power button on the phone because that also lets
[0:55:19] Gavin: you call emergency. And at that point, my phone was going like, whoop, whoop, as in to be like, you're about to call emergency. He heard that. And we start walking, we start walking back down the pier. I'm behind him. And he's like struggling to hold his arm shut to the point where he stops. And I'm like, do you, do you need me to like, do you want me to take my shirt off and like wrap it around you? And he's like, he was like, no, no. And at that point, while he was facing me back down the pier and I'm facing up, up the pier, the wind kicks up again. And it blew what felt like half a pint of his blood all over me. And in my, in my face, in my mouth, in my eyes, I'm suddenly, I watched like a flow of blood come out of his arm and just take to the wind, splatted out like a big web and absolutely went all over me. And at this point, I'm just like, oh, and I'm like, no, we got to go turn around.
[0:56:23] Gavin: And I'm like, oh, I'm trying to do it without swallowing. Like we get to the end of the pier and he's like, I'm good from here. And I'm like, you're not. Hold on. And I, and I'm trying to like clean his blood out of my eyes and mouth. And in the distance, like back through the park, I walked through, I remember I saw a water fountain. So I sprinted over to it, lent over it. I'm like, I need to wash out my eyes and mouth. And I'm still not, I'm still trying not to swallow his blood. So I'm hunched over the water fountain, the drinking fountain, holding down the button. But the fricking wind is blowing all the water away from my mouth. It's like blowing all around. I'm just like, I can't, I can't get any in my mouth. I'm like, lent over. I'm like, and I can't, it's like completely dry. And the water's flicking going all over the place. So I'm like shimmying around in a circle, trying to block the wind, looking like an insane person. Wash it, trying to wash out my eyes and mouth and face. And then I, I ran back to the end of the pier because I wanted to see what happened to this guy and I can't find him, but I could find the blood trail.
[0:57:23] Gavin: So now I'm following these drips of blood and it went to this little car park. So I assume he got in a car or like someone was waiting for him in a car or something because he immediately left and there was no more blood. And I spent 15, 20 minutes looking around to see if I could see him or like to see if he'd passed out in a bush or something or see any more blood. Couldn't find him. And then, uh, I sort of, this is where all the pictures have ended, by the way. I'm just no longer providing visual aids. And, uh, I sort of thousand yards stared my way back to the hotel. And then as I was walking up to the hotel, I was like, Oh, I'm covered in blood. I'm covered in what might be a dead guy's blood or from head to toe. And I just, I powered in the front door of the hotel, right past the desk, straight into the lift, took my shirt off. I was like scrubbing all the blood off in the bath. I took a shower and I ended up just crying in the shower. In a hotel in Melbourne. And I was just, I ended up just so traumatized by it. I was like, I can't believe that happened.
[0:58:24] Gavin: And I didn't really do a good job. Like I didn't really even help him. I hope he's all right. And, uh, I never told anyone that story that whole day. I just couldn't bring myself to like bring my mind back to that place. Oh, cause I kept seeing like all the intense visuals of his open flesh. I'm not very good with blood. And then we did like the whole show. This was like the end of the show that night where we'd been doing a, we'd been chugging beer and running around playing Maricott. And at some point I just ended up lying on the floor of the stage, just reflecting on the day as a whole. Why don't I have a shirt on in this fucking photo? I don't know. It's the similar, very similar to now. Yeah. So that was a, that's my Australia story. That was Melbourne.
[0:59:02] Andrew: Um, I feel like you encountered Anton Chigurh on a fucking pier. Like that's the only, like the unwillingness to get help when his arm is clearly like fucked.
[0:59:13] Geoff: Dude, the guy was aggressively having none of my help. He was probably a criminal and he didn't want the cops to come. He didn't want the ambulance to come. They'd have to run as, yeah, he's probably like, it could have been like, yeah, Anton Chigurh, like just some like New York mafia guy who's hiding out in Australia. Like no police, no cops, no cops.
[0:59:31] Gavin: I was like zoning in and out for the rest of that Australia trip of just like, Oh God, I can't believe what happened. And it wasn't even that bad. Like, it's not like I watched someone get hit by a car or something that would be much for worse. It was just the, the, the speed that he went from just strolling down the pier to severely injured from, from nowhere. Just like resonated weird with me. I was like, I felt so icky after that. I was like, Oh, and then I was also worried that I, you know, had some sort of foreign blood borne illness in my eyes and mouth. So there was that fear as well. I was like, do I do, do I go to a doctor now? Like, do I tell people about this? I just didn't know what to do. So I ended up flying home with a bloody t-shirt. You saved the t-shirt? Yeah. And I don't know if you can tell from the, from the windy, the windy video I posted earlier. Nice white t-shirt. That was really showed all the blood real good.
[1:00:23] Andrew: David, I'm going to show you the perspective I got from your windy video. This is what I saw. Just that and wind blowing. You didn't see the, this was the other perspective I got. It was just this image with the audio of wind blowing. That was all the visual aid that I got. But I guess I do see the shirt. That is a very white shirt.
[1:00:44] Gavin: It's a very white shirt. And as you can see from the picture of me on stage, I changed my shirt. You still have the shirt that's covered in blood? Um, I think I'm only, mainly washed out. I think it washed out because I don't remember it. That'd be wild. Honestly, my brain has been, it's never seen this as a funny event. It's just tried to like repress it as much as possible. So that's why, I don't know why it stopped taking photos. Like I should have just, it's very un-me like to not document what happened afterwards. But you were traumatized.
[1:01:13] Geoff: I mean, you were experiencing trauma in the moment. That is an in, you're right. It's not funny at all. It's like when I told the story about finding the old lady who had fallen down in the woods by my house. It's like, there's nothing funny about it. It's just a bizarre circumstance. And that's one of the craziest stories I have ever heard in my life. And I can't believe when you teased it the other day, you said you were afraid it might be a C story. Well, it's just not very funny. It's like funny because it's not funny. It doesn't have to be funny. It's insane.
[1:01:44] Gavin: I told Meg and she was, she could not believe I'd never told her. And I was like, do you think it'd be good for f*** face? And she'd be like, oh, you've got to tell that on there. Yeah.
[1:01:55] Geoff: Oh, man. That also goes to show you how fucking precarious and fragile life is. Like, a gust of wind took that guy out.
[1:02:06] Gavin: It was, I mean, in fairness, it was a mass. It was probably the biggest wind I've ever felt. And I've lived with you for 10 years.
[1:02:16] Geoff: Dude, that's a fucking, I don't know how you've held on to that story for, since 2019.
[1:02:20] Andrew: Yeah, that you haven't, I would be convinced that I was going to be a 28 days later zombie immediately as soon as I got covered in blood. Everybody would know. I'd be screaming. I would not handle that well.
[1:02:34] Geoff: No, no kidding. I would have been like, don't touch me. I have AIDS. I have AIDS now. I have every disease. I have all the HEPs. I have HEP A through Z. Just stay away from me. Quarantine me.
[1:02:46] Gavin: And the thing about like, I wouldn't count it as like real trauma. It was like slightly traumatizing as an event, but it's not like I had PTSD from this event. But it is interesting when you have those events and you think about it from very strange angles. Like a week earlier, that guy was just walking about not knowing that a week from now, someone from America would come to Australia and end up with his blood in his mouth.
[1:03:10] Geoff: For a week earlier.
[1:03:11] Andrew: How about eight minutes earlier? That guy's relationship with the wind has forever changed. Every single breeze. It's like this motherfucker. Yeah. So he's like a wind chime is a warning device.
[1:03:26] Gavin: Everybody get down. I kept my eye closely on the local Melbourne news for the next week.
[1:03:32] Geoff: Well, it also just goes to show you like Australians are insane. And like in the coolest ways, like they just don't give a fuck. That guy's like, I'll wrap it up. He probably wrapped duct tape on it and went about his business.
[1:03:43] Gavin: Yeah. And they have, I assume they have a, you know, free healthcare, like some form of healthcare.
[1:03:48] Geoff: There are stitches and, and antibiotics in Australia for sure.
[1:03:54] Gavin: Oh, I don't know. People here don't like to call an ambulance because it costs them money.
[1:03:58] Geoff: Yeah.
[1:03:58] Gavin: But I'm not, I'm not sure that's the thing there. I don't think you pay for an ambulance.
[1:04:02] Andrew: I can't, I'm trying to just process what that would be. The plane, like everything. That is an insane event to happen.
[1:04:08] Geoff: How about the fact that like three hours later you and I were hanging out together and you didn't even, didn't even cross. Like I had no idea. I think that was the show because it was Melbourne. I think that was maybe the show where we filmed that Instagram video of us all singing wrecking ball or whatever, like the entire group. And we were all dancing around together. Like two hours later, you were bathing in somebody else's blood.
[1:04:28] Andrew: Just the image of what you're thinking every time you hear wrecked me, just like I saw a guy get fucking destroyed early.
[1:04:37] Gavin: There's something just so funny about coming back to a hotel room covered in sweat and blood before 9am. It was so early that day.
[1:04:48] Geoff: That's got to be one of the worst ways to walk into a hotel lobby because you definitely feel like, you definitely feel like you're like Jason Bourne in the Bourne identity, you know? Like they're just going to be like, uh, yeah, no problem, sir. We're, uh, calling Interpol right now.
[1:05:02] Andrew: You said 9am is one of the worst times. What is a good time? I don't feel like there's a great time to walk into a hotel covered in sweat and blood.
[1:05:10] Gavin: Uh, it's just not, you just can't sit down with a beer after that. It's too early, you know? Yeah. I see what you're saying. It's just too breakfasty.
[1:05:16] Andrew: Like the decompression of it.
[1:05:17] Gavin: Sure. Yeah. And I had a long time between that and the tech russell.
[1:05:26] Geoff: Um, that's it. Well, Gav, thanks for telling that story. That's hands down one of the best stories in the history of F***face. For sure. One for regulation animation one day. I am. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, God. Oh, my God. And by the way, I'm so sorry. That's what a terrible thing to go through. That's horrible.
[1:05:46] Gavin: Thankfully, you know, you look back on it, uh, fondly. I just hope you didn't die. I'm pretty sure you didn't. Um, and if, if you didn't, it's, uh, it's a crazy story.
[1:05:55] Geoff: You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of you and I on the, on the ferry in Australia going from Sydney, uh, over to, I don't know, what, what, what, what's that beach, uh, that we always would go over to, um, Manly Beach? Not Manly Beach, yeah. Taking the ferry over to Manly Beach and we're at the front of that thing and you and I go to drink our water and the wind picks up and it shoots the water all over those two girls in front of us and it was like, we couldn't take a sip. They got 80% of our water instantly all through our mouths and into their heads and their hair and they were horrified. It was like that, but with blood. Yeah.
[1:06:35] Gavin: Oh, fuck.
[1:06:37] Unidentified: Jesus.
[1:06:39] Gavin: Andrew, what was the thing that you were going to do that might have pissed off Jeff?
[1:06:42] Andrew: I can't say because I'm going to do it one day. But it's just, now is not the greatest, greatest time to do it.
[1:06:50] Gavin: And we decided we're sticking with season four through episode 100. Yeah, I think season four barely started. I think season four was strong.
[1:06:57] Geoff: Yeah, it's been a good season. Season four's been good so far. Yeah, it's, uh, definitely been one of my favorite seasons. Yeah, I agree with Eric. Let's keep it rolling. Eric, you never figured out what year episode 1000 comes out.
[1:07:08] Eric: Uh, it would be, so we're roughly at the two year mark. Uh, we started in June of 2020 and this will be coming out the day that you can listen to this is, uh, uh, April 27th. So roughly two years per 100 episodes. So for 18, yeah. So it, you'd say roughly around that. Um, so we just have to, Jeff, you're going to keep it, you keep it going for that long. I just mean like health wise, you got like enough, like enough, like teeth that you can root canal for like 18 more years of this or whatever.
[1:07:42] Geoff: Oh, eight. Sorry. I'll be honest. I zoned out for a minute. Uh, 18 years. Right on.
[1:07:45] Eric: Thank you so much. That's awesome. Thank you. Right on. You appreciate it, dude. Yeah. Cool. Cool. Cool.
[1:07:51] Gavin: Yeah. 18 years. Yeah. I can go. I can go 18 years. Here's what we should do. Even if we don't do this podcast for the next 18 years, say it stops at like 200. We come back 18 years from now and just do episode a thousand, even if there hasn't been episode 200 through a thousand.
[1:08:07] Geoff: Dude, I'm going to be very disappointed if we stop at 200. We, I feel like we're building momentum every day and we, all the supplement, supplemental content starting to come out. We're starting to film more, do more. We got MVP two ahead of us. I imagine what movies we'll be watching together by episode 1000. We should schedule MVP two. Yeah, we should. Big time. Fuck. Like, would there be more apples to eat? I think we should do a bar. Like if we can get it, I think we should do a Bovril taste test like we did with the apple with the Cosmic Crisp taste test.
[1:08:38] Gavin: If Andrew doesn't keep rejecting my shipment, maybe he'll be able to try it.
[1:08:44] Andrew: I'll check. I'll go to the mailroom as soon as we're done recording.
[1:08:46] Geoff: I did hear. I did see somebody mentioned that it is. It does exist in Canada. Somebody was like, I'm Canadian and I have it all time.
[1:08:53] Andrew: Yeah, I guess they banned it. They banned it with Marmite and like some other thing because it didn't fit food standards in like 2015. Oh, I'm sure it doesn't. And then they had to like change the recipe or they like, you can buy it now, but there was a time in which it was banned in Canada. So I'm excited to try it.
[1:09:09] Gavin: Canada hates shit. No doorknobs, no Bovril. Yeah. Yeah. This was fun. I'm excited for you to try it.
[1:09:19] Andrew: I'm excited to try it. I can't wait to get it.
[1:09:21] Gavin: Maybe next episode.
[1:09:22] Andrew: But definitely next episode, as long as it's not rejected.
[1:09:26] Geoff: Well, Gavin, thanks for thanks for sharing an absolute 100 of an of a story on episode 100. And I hope I hope my tattoo bit played well with you guys. So good. I have never in all the 6,000 tattoos I have. I've never recorded myself or tried to perform while getting one. It's not. Yeah. It was great. Ribs. Ribs are. Don't get a tattoo on your ribs. Just don't. I'll just say that right now. You keep doing it. I really. Well, I'm running out of ribs. Andrew, I really appreciate you not unleashing whatever banana related fury or port-a-potty attack or whatever it was on me. Look forward to that in the near future. And then any. By that token, if you would like to contribute anything to 100, now's your chance.
[1:10:20] Andrew: I feel like I've contributed. So many. That was. That was mean, Jeff. So that was. That was. I was caught off guard. You know what? I could. You know what? I could gladly contribute to 100 right now. Let's do the thing. I could just pull the trigger on the thing. I was trying to be nice, Jeff. I was trying to be a nice guy. Let's go.
[1:10:45] Geoff: Let's pull the trigger on this thing. Oh, man. Thanks so much for tuning in. I'll pull the trigger. And listen to episode 100 of all 100 episodes of Space, I'm assuming. And we'll see you next week. Y'all take care. Oh, the player. Like and review.
[1:11:00] Gavin: What'd you say? Wait. Eric wrote something. Oh, whatever. By the time this is out, Gavin will have done the RT podcast in 64 pieces of clothes. Oh, great.
[1:11:09] Unidentified: That's exciting. Oh, yeah. How's that going, Gav?
[1:11:11] Gavin: Yeah, I'm excited about it. Am I doing the Donkey Kong tie? Are we putting that on as well?
[1:11:16] Andrew: You don't need to. If you want, you can. You can use it if you want. Just a head piece of clothing.
[1:11:20] Gavin: I like that I've worked at this company for 10 years. And then like twice in the same week, I'm being forced to wear two different red ties. Because I just did a Hitman video where I wore one.
[1:11:28] Geoff: That preview of you 15 years from now in the bald cap was really funny. 15? Five, maybe. In all seriousness, is there anything else we need to cover before we...
[1:11:43] Andrew: No, I think we should do the outro.
[1:11:45] Geoff: Okay. That was it.
[1:11:47] Unidentified: Well, shit. That was 100 episodes. Time flew. That's crazy.
[1:11:51] Andrew: Can I actually, I just have a question.
[1:11:54] Unidentified: What the fuck?
[1:11:55] Andrew: Why? This sucks. No, it's just quick. It'll be quick. Is a football a ball? This is the thing I was trying to figure out.
[1:12:05] Gavin: In what way could it not, in what way could it possibly not be a ball?
[1:12:10] Andrew: Well, okay. So let me give you more specific. Hold on. I was, because it's like, I didn't know if it was a thing. You know how like a strawberry, it says berry in the name, but it's not a berry. I was wondering, because this thing, do you ever throw a Nerf Vortex, Gavin? Yeah. The little whistly thing? Yeah. Like, it's one of my favorite. If I was, I was thinking about like, what are the greatest balls of all time? And I think the Nerf Vortex might be number one. But I didn't know if it would be considered a ball or not. Is that a ball? It's a football. More of a foam dart. You think it's a foam dart? And not a football?
[1:12:43] Gavin: It's pretty darty, considering the flight's on the back.
[1:12:46] Andrew: But the movement, like the throw, it's a football product, which then made me wonder, is a football in itself an actual ball, or does it not follow the ball category, despite the name football?
[1:13:00] Geoff: I mean, it's got the name ball in the, ball is in the name. But so does Strawberry. But according to Wikipedia, which is never wrong, a football is a ball inflated with air used to play one of the various sports known as football. So apparently, it is, yes, a ball.
[1:13:17] Andrew: Okay. Well, then I would go with the Nerf Vortex as the greatest ball overall.
[1:13:22] Gavin: What was the best thing on Quibi?
[1:13:24] Andrew: I only watched a show. It was this horror one with, what was the fucking, he was, I never saw the Amazing Spider-Man. He played the Green Goblin in the Amazing Spider-Man. What was his name? You know who I'm talking about? I think his name, he played Andrew in the movie Chronicle as well. I don't know his name. He was in it. And I believe the female lead was the woman that was in The Guest and It Follows. I don't know her name either.
[1:13:54] Geoff: The woman from It Follows, oh, what is her name?
[1:13:58] Andrew: She was like in a bunch of really good indie movies at the time. And I don't feel like I've seen her in anything in years, which is surprising. She's great. She was great in It Follows, she's great in The Guest.
[1:14:08] Geoff: According to the dictionary, the definition of a ball is a solid or hollow spherical or egg-shaped object that is kicked, thrown, or hit in a game. So egg-shaped I think fits. Yeah, egg-shaped I think is fair with the football. Yeah. That works. Huh.
[1:14:26] Andrew: Okay. There you go. Well, what's the name of the guy from The Amazing Spider-Man that was the Green Goblin? What's his name?
[1:14:32] Gavin: Isn't Willem Dafoe?
[1:14:33] Andrew: That's not the one that was with Andrew Garfield, The Amazing Spider-Man. I didn't see those.
[1:14:38] Gavin: I didn't know the Green Goblin was in that.
[1:14:39] Unidentified: I think he is.
[1:14:41] Gavin: I thought it was Lizard Man and Electric Man.
[1:14:45] Unidentified: I think the Green Goblin's in that. He was in that.
[1:14:47] Geoff: Oh, oh, it's, uh, what is this guy? What is this dude's name? Uh.
[1:14:52] Andrew: That guy. Yeah. Eric just posted a photo. That guy. Oh, okay.
[1:14:56] Geoff: What's his name?
[1:14:57] Andrew: Dane DeHaan? Dane DeHaan. Dane DeHaan. There we go. Dane DeHaan. Thank you. Can I make a complaint with you, Gavin? This sucks. What's happening? Thank you. That's what I was about to complain about. Why haven't you ended this, Eric? Why haven't you yelled at us? Because this is just going on. Guys, thank you. You failed 100 episodes of this podcast, and it seems like it's never going to end, is it?
[1:15:16] Eric: What's the next sports-related thing that's going to be going on? Will we see what's going on with My Hubby's Bagels? I can't wait to eat Bovril. All this and more continuing in Season 4 of the F*** Face Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Leave a rating. Subscribe. Go grab your friend's phone and subscribe for them, and make sure you listen on their phone as well. It'll help everyone out. Thank you so much, and goodbye. I think you're supposed to drink Bovril, not eat it.
[1:15:43] Geoff: This sucks. Goodbye. Goodbye, end it. Goodbye.
[1:15:45] Unidentified: Hey, guys. Minor League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Once again, the guys haven't recorded yet, so here are some predictions for the next week's episode. Let's talk about balls. Who's the previously on guy? Jeff experienced Bovril. Panton talks bagels. Gavin has a wasp problem again. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.
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[1:16:37] Unidentified: Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
